Scene: Outside with a small crowd. An announcer is covering the situation. A huge inflatable pillow is at the center of it all. E lands on it.
D: Looking at the pillow. And it looks like he’s done it! Yes! He’s landed and, well, he appears to be in one piece. Let’s see here, yes! He’s moving! This is truly outstanding. Back towards camera. We have all just witnessed a successful landing of the highest jump in a squirrel suit ever attempted by anyone ever! Cut! Perfect. Now I just have to see if I can wretch an interview from that wretched man. Heads closer to the action. Hi! Do you have a minute to talk? How do you feel? How long, exactly, were you in the air?
C: Pushes D away. Please, not now. Let him enjoy this moment eh?
D: Please, sir! When will you be applying for the Guinness world record? What was your top speed?
C,E push their way through a roaring crowd and drive off.
D: Damn them. They’ll never take this shit story without an interview. Oh stop recording.
Later, C,E are in a mobile home. E is reading a newspaper.
E: Hey, hey! Did you hear about that chick who climbed through the center of the earth? Says she went in in Argentina and came out in Mongolia! Crazy! I have to do it too!
C: Um, yeeeaaah. Yeah, I thought you never did things that other people had done already, hmm?
E: Oh, uh yeah.
C: That’s good. Here, they finished that new skyscraper in Dubai so you could jump from one to the other on your bike. That’d be pretty neat huh? ‘s got a big flat roof to land on.
E: Doo-buy? Where the hell is that?
C: Who cares? But no one’s done a tower to tower jump in awhile, it’d be good.
E: Wait! My bike’s in the shop, no can doosie! Hey, I just thought a thing!
C: Um, wait, there’s something else here, one sec.
E: No need! I can do the climb through the earth… but in the other direction! It’ll totally work! It’ll be so different and so crazy! It says it took her two weeks so that’ll give me a record to beat, shouldn’t be a problem. And will keep me occupied until you line me up for my next act. This is so perfect I can’t believe I didn’t think of it right off!
C: I can’t believe you didn’t either… Are you sure you know how to do this? I mean, you’ve never even done a climb up before. And, to tell ya the truth this story kiiiinda seems faked. How can you climb through the earth anyways? Isn’t it, you know, hot down there or something?
E: What? Faked? Look, I dunno who this girl is, but faking acts? That brings down everybody. Nobody wants to do that. It’s real. Plus, it says here that she wore a GoPro the whole time. And she came out with mild burns. They could tell from the direction of the burns that she was for real. You can’t get burned like that from the sun.
C: Well, won’t this whole thing be, I dunno, pretty expensive and stuff? We’re not exactly loaded at the moment.
E: Nah! I’ll use the same hole. Actually, it’ll be cheap as hell. We can get packing now. Let’s see, food, Starts shoving Cheetos, Pringles, etc.~into a backpack. yep, GoPro’s already charged, thanks for that, you’re a doll.
C: Well, wait, I’m, uh, I’m, I’m not sure this is a good idea.
E: Hey! I jumped outta space didn’t I?
C: Yeah, well, that was a horse of a different color.
E: C’mon, it’ll be great! This will be my biggest best act yet! You get the plane tickets. And schedule more than just that one lousy air quotations “news crew” you had at that squirrel jump. This one’s international, so I want it around the world. What’s it like in Mongolia anyways?
C: How the hell should I know? And don’t you think we, you know, we should stop, think, and talk about this first?
E: Yeah. Cuz stoppin’, thinkin’, and talkin’ ISN’T what’s gonna get me killed out there. Come on, help me find my Combos.
Later in Mongolia
E: Ugh, I can’t believe how fuckin’ cold it is here.
C: I can’t believe we’re actually here. I can’t believe I’M actually here.
E: I can’t believe they made us buy new snacks here. I’ve never even heard of this brand before? Samples the snacks. Pretty tasty though. Right, well, where to?
C: I think that guy over there says the entrance is just a short way up ahead.
E: Sweet, let’s get this thing started! Where are the camera crews to record this awesome moment?
E: What? You didn’t arrange any camera crews? Lightly pushes C around.
C: You said you wanted them in Argentina! On the other side! You never said anything about here! What? Am I supposed to read your mind? I don’t even think you can read your own mind!
E: Oh come on!
C: Plus, look around you! This isn’t even a one horse town.
E: Confused look. Then, You know I don’t even know what that means.
C: I grew up on a farm okay, and I’m not even sure this is a good idea really.
E: What?! Look, here’s the hole, just like they said. Looks pretty straightforward to me. I just turn on my GoPro and make sure I can reach my snacks. Wait. Aw shit!
C: What? What is it?
E: My GoPro won’t be able to see a thing, it’s dark down there!
C‘s jaw becomes slack.
E: Well, maybe in the hot parts it’ll glow and be brighter. They always look brighter in those pictures of the inside of the earth. Ah who cares, here goes! Wish me luck! And have those damn TV crews ready to go.
C: Wait! I won’t let you!
E: Too late. I’m getting out of this cold. These jacket things don’t keep me nearly warm ’nuff. The earth should, ha! Wait, let me make sure I turn this thing on. Is it on?
C: Yes but,
E: But what? I’m doing this. I know it. You know it. It’s going to happen.
C: No, it can’t, you’ll never make it. You won’t have a snowflake’s chance in heaven!
Composed July 27, 2013.
Inspiration: A snowflake’s chance in heaven